A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? How tough? The Marine said Are you crazy? Air Traffic Control 6. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. SUB sandwiches! Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. Did it work? A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Landings are mandatory. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. 64. How tough? Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. It helps to keep the pilot cool. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. Caller: Do you have his right number? I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. [Answered]. . 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. MARCH! When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. When Is Military Appreciation Month? He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Auld Lang Slice Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. She told me she warships them. Divert your course NOW! 36. This is really good, he said. Rodrigues there? Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. (Hang up. It took the poor guy all day. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. An airplane! This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. 5. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? Long Haul The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. They bagged six. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! You the eighth, the old Marine answered. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. Fish Food. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. Anecdotes 2. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. 8. 13:30 comes and goes. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. They cant seem to string three Ws together. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. Now, lets try it again! 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. 50. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. Stay out of clouds. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. Why won't you kiss me? When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. 3. What are you doing? I asked. Did it work? Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. You had tents?" I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . Caller: Is Sgt. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. Theres a post recall and he went to work. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? The c.i.a. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. A LOOtenant! The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. 12. Later, I spoke with Mom. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. This happened several times times throughout the flight. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. Thats Daddy. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? 35. He nodded. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? The INFANTry! Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! The Army will post guards around the building. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. USMC: OHH! 49. Did you make it all by yourself? Heres what they came up with: In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. . 65. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. Its a NO FLY zone! ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. The tenant shook her head. My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. We were a tough group. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. ! Again, no reply. They throw out a pistol. March forth! Aircraft Engineers 1. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! Flight Announcements 4. Do not attempt to shave with fire. Marine: Wait, stop. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". What happened Sergeant? It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. 17. DeFrigNo! He thought he would be home about 13:30. Why Do We Celebrate It? The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. Semper Pie It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it A LOOtenant! Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. 5. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. "They're all mine. What do hungry Marines eat? Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. She also liked her scotch. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. Military 3. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. This site contains affiliate links. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Its not weak, he replied. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. 2. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Rodrigues? Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. Thanks.. Ive been sandblasted.. A PETTY officer! I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Thanks. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. What would As A.J. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? Nothing, she said. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. 4. I was very nervous, she said. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Of course, he responded. I dont see it.. 54. Then one day I couldnt find it. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. It took the poor guy all day. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Attention! Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. Yes, said the lieutenant. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. The Lasting Supper Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. Aeronautical Humor. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister.